Taking charge of your anger

Have you lost your temper recently? Have you said harsh things you know deep down you didn't really mean but you said them anyway? Have you withdrawn love and support without explanation by going silent?

Saying harsh words and withdrawing love and support are some of the ways different people express their anger.

So many times after an angry exchange, we wish we could undo the unkind word or the hurtful act. While the past may not be undone, releasing anger can be transformed through charm, which is the power of arousing love and admiration. From anger to charm is a process of accepting what you innately are - peaceful and loving, then doing what comes naturally from inside - connecting authentically and kindly with your self and others in a mutually respectful way.

To release anger as a positive energy for good, you first have to recognise anger in yourself. You recognise it through observing and inquiring about what makes you angry and how you manage anger.

What makes you angry?

Perhaps things don’t go the way you want, or you are frustrated because the other doesn’t appear to understand us, or you think the rules of life are unfair? Maybe you don’t even know why you are angry? Not knowing why is a good place to start understanding what makes you angry.

Check out these self quizzes on anger:

How can you tell when you’re angry?

People feel anger in different ways.Your body will often tell you when you are angry. Are you breathing faster, or holding your breath? Are your muscles tense? Is your jaw clamped? Do you feel like pushing someone out of sight, or yelling at them? Maybe you are so angry, you just want to fly away and escape. Some people keep their anger inside, which causes a headache and stomach upsets and even depression and lethargy.

How can you tell when someone else is angry?

When you are talking to someone, they may walk away and stop talking to you. They may become quiet and withdrawn. Another person might talk loudly, or even scream. Some people hit to hurt or harm, in which case retreat is best. Give some thought to what made that person so angry. Can you make the situation better? How does the other person feel? When the other person has cooled down, try to talk about the problem. Listen to what he or she has to say.

What can I do when I get angry?

Try to retain self control if you get angry.Taking it out on others rarely solves anything. Reaction just leads to more reaction. Instead, admit to yourself that you are angry and try to figure out why. What can you do to help in this situation, perhaps even keep the situation from happening again ? Try these measures:

·	drink a glass of cold water, count to ten, breathe deeply and slowly
·	get or give a hug
·	talk to a friend you can trust
·	run, walk or engage in some other energetic movement
·	meditate
·	think positive thoughts about self and the other, for eg. What you are grateful for
·	take time out and reschedule the conversation
·	ask what lesson you need to learn from this situation

What can I expect from taking charge of my anger?

When you are willing to expand your understanding of what makes you angry and take charge of your anger, you can look forward to raising the stakes in the charm meter, that ability to arouse love and admiration in thorny situations. The results you can look forward to, are

·	feeling the anger, but not acting in anger
·	keeping the conversation in the present by focusing on the specific issue
·	owning your part in the angry exchange and working to dissolve fears in your self
·	developing your capacity to listen, reflect and ask relevant questions in conflict situations
·	expanding your capacity to lovingly agree to disagree
·	increasing your self awareness and self knowledge
·	creating more open and more mutually loving and supportive relationships

Everybody gets angry. Never getting angry is impossible. It’s human to get angry at times.We are spiritual beings who are having a human experience, which is to feel and have emotions like love and anger. Sometimes, it is important to get angry to give us positive energy for doing good. It’s what we do with this strong emotion that makes releasing it right.

·	Anxiety-Anger Management index, profiling qualities such as negativism, resentment, and indirect hostility
·	Anger in specific situations